Many people think when a submissive finds a Dominant, everything is the Dominant’s way and they have no say in the rules created. That is a misconception. When relationships are established correctly, the Dominant and the submissive sit down together for discussion and the Dominant learns the submissive’s schedule, and their daily routine. Your Dominant is able to guide you to be your best self (assuming you don’t have a toxic Dominant, who doesn’t take your needs into consideration and does not respect you).

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My Dominant and I sat down, when we I moved in together, and talked about what my goals and aspirations were, when I do my best work and am the most productive, and what my future plans are. We also discussed my health. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and an Anxiety Disorder. My mental health had a huge impact on creating my rules. At the time we were creating our rules, I was also dealing with some physical health issues. If I get sick, I usually have to take it easy and not do much of anything so I don’t get any sicker than I already am. Therefore, my health was a huge deciding factor in what are rules were and how they work.

I’m currently in college right now also. I have found that by the time I get home, I often don’t want to do homework. I’m more productive in the late afternoon to evening, and my Dominant understands this about me and we’ve set aside this time for school work. During the day I might dab at my school work, but mainly I do some house chores, sleep, and relax. I am supposed to do my therapy homework every other day as well.

When we sat down and developed our rules together, we had to put all of the above in perspective when trying to make a bedtime, when figuring out homework times, and we also talked about how I can’t miss any mental health appointments. I’m fortunate to have a great Dominant who realizes his job is to make me a stronger and better person …along with what happens in the bedroom behind closed doors.

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Obviously, your rules will depend on the unique needs of both you and your Dominant. Below are a few ideas for rules:

  1. Complete all schoolwork/homework for the day.
  2. Keep up with personal hygiene.
  3. Complete all assigned chores for the day.
  4. Bed time is 1:00 AM.
  5. Use your safe word.

Rules can vary depending on the person. Some Dominants will be stricter than others or may be stricter in certain areas. How strict a Dominant is will usually be based on what the submissive’s strengths and weaknesses are. For example, if a submissive is weaker when it comes to turning in homework on time, then the Dominant might be stricter in that area. If a submissive doesn’t know how to slow down if they’re sick, the Dominant might focus more on that. All of the rules given to a submissive are there for a reason – to make the submissive a stronger better person. That’s usually a Dominant’s purpose, to lead the submissive to a better spot in their life and help them to stay there.

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Every submissive is different. Therefore, different rules are set for each submissive. A good Dominant knows this and is willing to work with you to develop what BDSM rules are best for your particular relationship.



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