how to arouse a man quickly

Learning how to turn a guy on is crucial if you want to have a fun sexual relationship with him. Thankfully, it’s really easy to turn guys on. However, there are always exceptions, and it’s important for you to understand the differences between how men and women get aroused if you want to turn him on fast.

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Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus

Guys can get turned on really quickly and easily. Think of them like a light switch. You may hear from friends and in the media that men mostly get turned on by what they see, but the truth is that they actually get turned on just as much (if not more) by what they hear and what they feel as well.

Girls get turned on slightly differently. Sometimes it can happen really quickly, just like with a man, but most of the time it will take you longer to get turned on.

Learn More: How to Turn a Girl On

This is why I often compare men to light switches that turn on or off instantaneously, and I compare women to light dimmers that take longer to turn on. The point is that men and women get turned on slightly differently. So don’t automatically think that the things that turn you on will automatically turn your man on.

On the other hand, there are similarities. What might be more important is what your man likes as an individual and not stereotypes about the genders.

If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you’ll find them in my private and discreet newsletter. You’ll also learn the 5 dangerous & “dumb” sex mistakes that turn him off and how to avoid them. Get it here.

Set the Scene for Arousal

If you want to master turning him on, you should know how to set the scene. Doing so can make it easier for him to become horny. The easier it is for him to get aroused, the less time it takes.

Related: How to Make a Guy Horny

Setting the scene can include rose petals and candles, but it might include more mundane things such as a clean house, making sure the kids are in bed or spending the night somewhere else and taking the phone off the hook. Of course, you may not be able to wait for all of these things every time but think about the little ways you can both get your head into the right headspace for sex.

Sometimes you need to start fooling around or even having sex even if he’s not turned on.

While penetration might be difficult if he’s still mostly soft, you can do plenty of other activities and focus on other parts of his body besides his penis. Oral and manual sex are still possible, especially when you’re receiving. You can also make out, dry hump, or exchange sensual massages.

Get tips for blow jobs.

Many people, especially those with responsive desire, find that they desire sex after stimulation has already started.

A Warning About Alcohol

Although some people like to have a drink to calm their nerves before sex, drinking a lot of alcohol can make it difficult for a guy to get an erection [12], even if he’s mentally turned on. Even if he thinks he knows his limit, he can drink too much and find himself too soft for sex.

Quick Quiz: Do You Give Lousy Blow Jobs?

If you are new here, then you may want to take the quiz below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. You may discover you that you suck (pun intended) or that you are already a blow job queen.

How to Turn Him On Fast

what turns guys on

1. Play Wrestle

There’s something about fighting for victory that can be such a turn-on. Many men are competitive, but showing him that you’re not afraid to get physical can make you even more desirable. Plus, wrestling involves a lot of physical contact. You’re only about 30 seconds away from wrestling turning into making out!

2. Masturbate in His Presence

There are few more powerful ways to turn a guy on than to let him see you masturbate. You might start touching yourself as you lie in bed next to him, or you might let him “catch” you masturbating. He’ll likely be turned on by the sight, but you can ask him to give you a helping hand.

3. Trace His Contours

It’s easy to head directly to his penis if you want to turn a guy on, but don’t forget about the rest of his body. Trace the contours, or outlines, of his body. You can trace your fingertips across his arms, shoulders, chest, face, hips, legs, knees, and more. As you work, you can get closer to his penis, which will likely be pretty hard because he should be turned on by then.

4. Scratch His Back

You might not know it, but many men get insanely turned on when a woman scratches their back. If you have any nails, try scratching his back over and under his shirt. Pay close attention to his response. Chances are, he’ll like it.

5. Give Him a Sultry Kiss

Kisses can be innocent and friendly, or they can be deep and lingering and hint to the fact that you want more. Planting one of the latter on your lover’s lips can be a turn on for him as well as a way to show that you want something more.

Not sure about your kissing skills? Learn how to be a good kisser in 8 easy steps.

Don’t forget that you can kiss other parts of his body, too. Try moving from the lips to his cheeks to his…ears. Specifically his ear lobes. These are incredibly sensitive and feel great to have kissed (I should know, I’m a guy writing this after all!). You can then move from kissing his ear lobes down to his neck which is also very sensitive and feels great to have kissed.

6. Talk Dirty Into His Ear

what turns a guy on

Talking dirty is such a powerful move when it comes to turning him on. Plus, it helps you communicate just what your desires are. A lot of men appreciate when their partners are brave enough to talk dirty.

Because talking dirty can feel a little silly or unnatural, we’ve written a few guides to help you learn how to turn him on and hone your skills.

There is a whole section on the Bad Girls Bible dedicated to talking dirty to your man. You’ll find that it’s very easy to turn him on using lines and phrases that aren’t even that sexual, but being quite sexual usually works great too.

Try these 2 examples:

I feel so small in your arms

I want to feel your hard cock inside me!

Both of these will turn your man on, while also firing up his ego at the same time. If you are interested in learning more on how to arouse your man using only words, check out the very detailed articles on how to talk dirty and examples of dirty talk as well as dirty text messages to learn about what kinds of text messages you should send your man to turn him on. And of course, I created this powerful tutorial video on how to talk dirty to your man too.

7. Nibble His Ears

Although you might not think about it, the ears can be an erogenous more (learn more). Plus, if you’re kissing, licking, and nibbling his ears, you can pause to use those dirty talk skills you’ve developed and turn him on.

The key to nibbling his ears is not to leave him covered in saliva or bite him so hard that he bleeds. Lightly drag your teeth along his earlobe and tug. You can also trace the shape of his ear with your finger.

8. Wear a Scent for Sex

If you do specific things whenever you want to have sex, your man will learn to associate those things with sexy times. This is known as conditioning, and you’ll learn a bit more about it in the science section below. Consider this a hack if you want to know how to turn a guy on fast. Simply do those things whenever you want to turn him on, and he should respond.

9. Massage His Scalp

Just like the back scratch, the scalp massage can be incredibly sensual and put someone in the mood for sex. You can massage his scalp with your fingertips and even scratch a little with his nails. He might also get turned on if you pull his hair a bit if it’s long enough to do that.

10. Wear Red

A pair of Louboutins with their infamous red heels are sure to turn a few heads. Wearing a bold red dress, piece of lingerie or even lips can also do the same, and it’s a lot more likely to be noticed by the guy that you’re trying to turn on. For whatever reason, this color grabs our attention. It’s been associated with hunger, power, and, you guessed it, sex. Studies have even found that women wearing red are seen as more attractive and more sexually receptive than other women, too [34, 56]. These effects extend to other species, too.

So don’t be afraid to wear a little color when you want to rouse his attention.

11. Go Down on Him

What better way to turn him on fast than to give him some oral attention? If he’s not hard, he soon will be. Plus, he’ll love that you took the initiative.

Check out this post full of information about giving blowjobs.

Related: The signs that he likes going down on you.

12. Send a Sexy Text

how to arouse a man quickly

Combine dirty talk with technology, and what do you have? A surefire way to get him in the mood. A sexy text can include just words, or you can add photos, videos, or even a voice clip. Get a little creative.

Related: 7 Ways to Take a Stunning Sexy Selfie!

Sexting can be used to created and prolong sexual tension. You’re anticipating sex, which can make the sex feel ah-may-zing once you finally have it! In fact, this could be the key to making him cum hard.

Discover why sexual tension is so powerful.

13. Walk into The Room Naked

You don’t need to do much if you want to know how to get him turned on. Simply strip off your clothes and walk into the room where he’s doing anything else. If he’s like most men, his attention will be on you and only you once you do that.

Alternatively, you can call him into the room where you’re waiting for him au natural.

14. Play Footsie or Grab His Thigh

Here’s another example of how powerful touch can be. If you play footsie or grab his thigh underneath the table, especially if other people are around, you’re setting up quite the sexy scene! It’s all the more scintillating because he can’t have you now. You might be tearing each other’s clothes off by the time you get home, or you may have to stop off at the bathroom to have a little naughty fun!

You can even see how far you can go under the table. To start off all you need to do is start rubbing anywhere on his leg and then slowly make your way up to his thigh until you are eventually rubbing his inner thigh. A great technique to use is to ‘accidentally’ rub over his crotch ever once in a while when rubbing his inner thigh.

15. Grab His Ass

Although you might be more used to be on the receiving end of this move, a well-timed ass grab can be anything from fun to funny to sex. If you pair it with a close hug and kiss while your body is pressed close to his, you can let him know what you’re thinking about.

16. Play With His Nipples

Man or woman, nipples are a sensitive part of the body. There are so many things you can do with them: flick them, pinch them, bite them, or rub them. If he’s wearing a thin enough shirt, you can stimulate his nipples before he even removes any clothing.

Get tips for nipple play.

17. Put on Porn

You’ve probably heard that men are visual. It’s why we suggested that you put on something red as you’re learning how to turn him on quickly. But if you’re feeling especially adventurous, you can try putting someone on the screen to catch his eye. Most guys like porn and he’s likely to be pleased as well as turned on if you surprise him with porn.

Bonus: the two of you can reenact what you see on the screen!

18. Read Erotica — Out Loud

Many women enjoy erotica during masturbation. In fact, non-visual media is more popular among women [7]. It’s a great way to get turned on. So why not turn the table and use it to do the same for you guy?

Tell him that you’re reading a really interesting book. Or maybe have him sit down and wait for a surprise. Pick a super sexy scene to have at the ready (you don’t want to make him wait too long), then start reading. Chances are, he’ll be pretty turned on before long!

19. Add an Aphrodisiac

how to turn your man on sexually

While the science is still out on how and how much certain foods affects sex drive, there is one thing we know: the placebo effect is strong. So if you and your man think a certain food will turn him on, it likely will.

Some common foods believed to increase desire include:

  • Oysters
  • Chocolate
  • Figs
  • Coffee
  • Ginko biloba [8]

Read MoreThe 15 Most Powerful Aphrodisiacs

You can increase the effect by choosing foods that you can eat of each other’s bodies or that you can transfer between your mouths. Strawberries, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce all do the trick. You can also find products made specifically for sexual use. That way, you can use sensual touch and not just rely on the dubious effects of aphrodisiacs to turn him on.

20. Try Something New

This isn’t so much advice about technique as it is a reminder that trying something new can turn arousal up to 11, especially if you’re finally acting out a fantasy or doing an activity that increases the intensity of sex. Remember a time when you did something new sexually and how much hotter and more pleasurable it made everything. So the next time your guy asks you to try something new in bed, say “Yes!”.

But don’t just put the responsibility on him. Take turns initiating and adding new things to your sexual menu periodically. This prevents sex from becoming stale and is important if you’re in a long-term relationship. It’s typical for people in longer relationships, especially men, to experience sexual boredom after a while. It’s known as the Coolidge Effect [91011], after the U.S. president, and happens when we get used to the same sex.

So don’t let that happen in your relationship!

It’s Not Always Up to You

how to turn him on sexually

While we’ve focused on the ways you can turn a man on quickly, you need to remember that it’s not always up to you. His body and mind affect whether he gets turned on and how long it takes. So if he’s especially nervous because it’s the first time you’re having sex, he might not be able to get hard. This could lead to him being more frustrated than turned on.

Find out how to deal with sexual anxiety.

Furthermore, his health can play a major role in how fast he gets turned on. Any issue that inhibits blood flow could be bad for arousal.

There are also major players when it comes to mental health: depression, anxiety, and SSRIs. Not only can mental health issues cause sexual dysfunction in men [1213, 1415], but the medication that’s often prescribed for mental health conditions can lower libido [161718192021].

The point is, there are plenty of factors that are out of your control, so you shouldn’t necessarily blame yourself if you can’t turn on your man or if it’s taking longer than expected.

You might use this time to discuss with your partner, and you could even bond over these difficulties. Remember that sexual dysfunction could result from relationship issues, too, so you might benefit from taking a long, hard look at your relationship.

But when your relationship is strong, and your partner is healthy, it’s usually not a big deal to turn him on — and fast — unless, of course, he’s recently had an orgasm. The time that a guy needs to recover, known as the refractory period, varies. He won’t be able to orgasm again for a while, and erection may also be impossible.

In this article, you’ve learned how to turn a man on fast. You’ve seen through these various examples how arousing his senses of touch, smell, sight, hearing, and even taste, you can turn him on. However, I am clearly leaving a few things out that will turn your man because different guys like different things. The techniques that I have mentioned above certainly work for 99% of people to arouse him.

What The Science Says

Researchers have looked into desire and arousal and to produce some interesting research, especially when it comes to differences (and similarities) between men and women.

Sexual Conditioning

First, researchers have found that people can be conditioned to become aroused [2223]. You may be familiar with conditioning thanks to Pavlov and his dogs. He would ring a bell every time he fed dogs. The sound became associated with eating in their mind. Eventually, Pavlov would ring the bell, and the dogs would salivate even though he provided no food.

You can achieve a similar thing, which you could use to turn your guy on fast. All you have to do is to do something whenever you prepare for sex. Putting on a certain lipstick or perfume could do it. Or you could put your hair up or take it down every time you initiate sex. The more you do this, the more the two things become associated in your guy’s mind. Consider it like a hack for turning him on!

Remember that some people are more susceptible to conditioning than others.

Sexual Concordance

how to turn a man on fast

A big difference between men and women when it comes to getting turned on is something called sexual concordance [2425]. Basically, you can feel aroused in your head, and your body can also show signs of arousal such as vaginal lubrication and swelling. When both happen at once, it’s known as sexual concordance or simply, concordance.

But the two might not happen at the same time, and this is known as sexual discordance [26] or nonconcordance [27]. It’s more common for men to be concordant [28 ch6]: he’s got a hardon, and he’s ready for sex. For women, it’s a little more complicated. You might feel horny, but your body isn’t reacting that way. Or you may be physically aroused but not really notice it and not be in a sexy headspace.

What this means is that it’s easier to tell when you turn your man on because his erection is proof of desire.

Sexual Differences Between Men and Women

Aside from arousal concordance, there are a few differences between how men and women tend to get turned on. Remember that these are generalizations and there are always exceptions.

  • Responsive vs. spontaneous desire: Men typically have spontaneous desire, which means they can pretty much find themselves wanting sex randomly [28 p225]. For many women, desire is responsive [29]. It needs cues to turn it on, and women are much less likely to want sex out of the blue. Some people who have responsive desire might report it as low libido [30], but that’s not actually the case. It just needs something to react to!
  • Dual control model: Sex researchers Bancroft and Janssen suggested that desire isn’t just one drive [3132]. Instead, there are two aspects: what turns you on (accelerators) and what turns you off (brakes) [28 ch2]. Most sex advice will tell you to add more of the turn-ons, but that doesn’t do much good if your turn offs are too strong (avoid these turns offs for guys). And most women have very sensitive brakes, so it’s more important to relieve some pressure on these brakes. But men tend to have less sensitive brakes and more sensitive accelerators, so that advice that says “Go, go, go” may work better for men than women!

Wondering where to go from here? Check out these turn-ons for guys.


Stephen Snyder M.D. discusses what turns on a man in this article for Psychology Today.

Robert Weiss also writes about understanding male sexual desire for the same website.

Noam Shpancer Ph.D. discusses the connection between the color red and sexual attraction, which you can use to your advantage to turn him on.

This post guides you through sensate focus, a practice that can help you get to know your partner’s preferences.

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – Why can’t I turn him on?

how to turn a guy on

Although it’s natural to wonder whether you did something wrong if your man is struggling to become aroused and erect, it’s usually not about you at all.

There’s nothing wrong with you if you can’t turn him on fast.

Erection and arousal problems in men can be caused by anxiety [333435]  (unsurprising given that the same happens with women [36]) which can happen with new partners, if he struggles from poor self-image [37], or if he’s worried about his performance [38]. Anxiety can lead to erection problems, which can lead to more anxiety in a frustrating cycle [39].

Another cause of arousal and sexual dysfunction in both men and women is relationship issues. If the two of you have struggled to connect lately, your problems might bleed into the bedroom.

Sometimes problems with arousal and erection have a medical cause. Testosterone plays an important role in his sexuality [40], so a drop can make it difficult for him to get hard. Erection issues might indicate heart disease [4142]. And if he measures arousal by his physical response, which is typical for men, he might ignore other signs of arousal.

Talking to his doctor is advisable if you suspect a medical condition or even if medicine he’s taking might be impeding erections (medication for high blood pressure can make it harder to, well, get hard). Treatment can help your overall health as well as your sex life.

FAQ #2 – Why does it take so long to turn him on?

It’s not unusual to need a long time to get turned on for many women. In fact, you might be accustomed to needing more time to get aroused than your male partners. So you might be alarmed if it starts taking longer to turn him on.

Rest assured that some guys simply take more time to get in the mood, and this can be a good thing because you won’t be rushed!

It might be that he has responsive desire, which you may be familiar with, too. While most men can get turned on near randomly, a type of arousal known as spontaneous desire [43], some men (and most women) have responsive desire.

Responsive desire, also known as reactive or triggered desire, means you need to have specific stimulation to get in the mood. This can be internal or external [44]. It could be emotional factors like feeling loved or secure with yourself, a certain smell or visual, or sexual stimulation.

People who have responsive desire do not randomly want to have sex, but they can get in the mood after sexual activity has started. Perhaps this is why so many women responded that oral sex or masturbating is what gets them in the mood when we asked how they get horny.

So you’ll need to figure out what your partner’s desire responds to and do that. This could help you turn him on faster or simply understand him better and have better sex. The more sex you have and the more you get to know one another, the better sex should become.

Read More: Understanding Your Sexual Response Cycle To Get Aroused (+11 Techniques)

Some of the issues mentioned in the previous question can also make a guy take more time to become aroused. Conditions that affect blood flow are especially culprits when it comes to getting hard or, at least, hard enough.

FAQ #3 – How do I know he’s turned on?

how to turn a guy on physically

Fortunately, it’s usually easy to tell if a guy is turned on. Just look — or feel — for an erection [45]. In some instances, a guy may be turned on mentally but not physically. While most guys experience physical and mental desire simultaneously [24464748], known as sexual concordance, these two things are not always in sync. In fact, it’s more common for women to experience less concordance than men, and studies have revealed that women’s bodies will be aroused when their brains are not and vice versa.

If your man seems to have low desire concordance, the best way to know if he’s turned on is simply to ask him.

FAQ #4 – Why don’t the typical things turn him on?

While you can usually work from a default sexual script to turn a guy on, this may not always work. Why? Not all men are the same, just like not all women are the same. We all have specific preferences.

Instead of relying on your old fallbacks, take this as a time to get to know your partner and his specific desires and preferences. You might try an activity developed by Masters and Johnson known as sensate focus [49505152] where you touch his body without intent to make him orgasm [53], at least, at first. Sensate focus “is commonly used to treat sexual problems such as female anorgasmia, erectile difficulty, and low sexual desire [54].”

Or you could more casually try techniques in this and other articles on the Bad Girls Bible to see what he likes. You could even turn it into a game where he rates what you’re doing.

Don’t be afraid to ask him what turns him on, either. Talking about this can be great foreplay, and being able to communicate about sex is essential for a good sex life.

Learn how to use sexual communication to have better sex.

FAQ #5 – Will Viagra help to turn him on?

Viagra and similar medications (including Cialis and Levitra [5556]) aren’t intended to turn a guy on. Viagra helps improve sexual function by increasing blood flow to the penis, so your man will need to feel desire for the medicine to work. If he’s not aroused, medicine like this won’t help.

Furthermore, if he wakes up with an erection (known as morning wood), then he’s able to get hard. The problem is something else and may be relationship or psychology related.

Find out everything you need to know about boners.

Talk to a doctor or perhaps therapist if your man has trouble getting turned on.

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Lisa has a Masters of Education (M.Ed.) in Human Sexuality from Widener University's Center for Human Sexuality Studies. She is continuing her studies at the University as a doctoral candidate. Lisa is a member of the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapist (ASSECT). She has guest taught human sexuality at several universities including Montclair State, Kean University, and Borough of Manhattan Community College.

Lisa's passion for the field is rooted in her belief that all human beings should understand what healthy sex is, regardless of culture, body or ability.

Her particular areas of expertise focus on: desire in long-term relationship, the intersection of technology and sexuality and its affect on individuals and couples, body image and its influence on sexuality, the impact of the past on single people in America, and modern (online) dating. Her research focuses on marriage from antiquity to present day, modern romance and contemporary dating websites.